Ok now back to me and Salsa….this is me:

Me and Dudu Nahari a Salsa instructor

I happened to discover Salsa by chance and it was at the Candela Salsa club that I started to dance regularly. I wont tell the story here because it’s too long.

Eti Amzaleg a sexy and talented Salsa instructor

Suffice it to say that over the last 4 months I have persevered with level 1, 2 and 3.  This week my instructor, Eti Amzaleg, who is a patient, talented and amazing person all around (as are all the instructors in the Candela club) basically said to me, “Devora motek (you always have to say motek or mami to be taken seriously), the time has come for you to move on to the Masters level!” Woo hoo!

Of course, my usual hesitation when moving up a level is that I will be the worst in that level as opposed to being the best at the current one and then it will annoy people who have to dance with me. It’s always tough to have to dance with someone who is too slow for you….even if people pretend otherwise. It’s a fact. I console myself with the fact that dancing with someone a bit below your level is nothing compared to having to dance with someone who just applied half a bottle of Brut cologne or who hasn’t used any personal hygiene products at all that week, so it cant be that bad!

One of the experienced dancers, Elinor, told me that she doesn’t dance with someone if she doesn’t feel like it and yet she always looks like she is having a good time. She just says no! She’s my Salsa hero! The amazing thing about so many experienced dancers is that they enter the club looking like regular people out on the town, and then when they get on the dance floor it is just a miracle to behold.

Eddy is always a great dance partner

I myself find that there are some dancers who I love to dance with regularly. For example, this bachurchik Eddy, a sweet  guy who is a great dancer and is never pushy but always quick on his feet. Whenever I would make a mistake while we are dancing I would see him make a sort of discreet face sort of like “whoops” in face language. I would call him on it by saying, “Eddy, you are doing it again!” and he would laugh. Some of the instructors make me laugh over and over again. For example, Moran the DJ and a master dancer always yells at me when I start leading, “Where do you think you are going Devora??? In Salsa the man leads, leave your life at the door!”. Tomer would tell me that he is losing circulation in his fingers from me holding on so tight, hee hee. (I am sure there is a lesson in here somewhere if I just look hard enough.) Dudu and Yonat are able to have fun at all times.

Moran and Yonat twisted up an smiling

The Salsa club offers levels from beginner, never danced before in my life level classes, to masters “I really didn’t know our bodies were made for that position” classes. Thursday and Saturday nights start off with line dancing at 9:15 and then at 9:45 they divide up into groups for your lesson. Afterwards is some practice time and then the floor opens up for the rest of the night. Married couples come, singles, people of all ages and even couples who have met at salsa and are married now not to mention my favorite: the pregnant women.

Things I usually worry about are non issues like theft since there are 14 closed circuit cameras in the club, the bathrooms are actually clean, the wood floors are nice overall, and there is always fans and fresh air with no smoking allowed inside the club. There is a bar but since I am almost always driving I stick to my diet coke and water.

I think there are some events coming up soon as well like the Salsa winter ball mid January and and at the beginning of February there will be a Salsa event at the Yellow Submarine in Jerusalem, can’t wait!

Eti and Dudu instructors

Yonat and Tomer Salsa instructors

For example, I used to be a night runner but I just found that lately I was just too tired to run at nights. There is no way I wanted to give up running so instead of running at nights, I decided to start going to sleep early and set my alarm for 5 AM. Sometimes I might even sleep in my running clothes so that it requires minimal effort for me to get out the door in the wee morning hours.

I have been running for over two years now and although I love to run alone, I did recently start to notice that I should start pursuing an activity that is more social. I considered group sports but then I realized that I just don’t care enough. I just don’t care! I don’t want to fight someone for a ball and I don’t want to try to get that ball, puck or thingy ding into some designated hole, net or basket. I mean, really, if the other team wants it that badly…they can have it!!!

Until I found SALSA…To be continued…

Of course, while I am writing this I realize that maybe someone out there is thinking
poorly about me or my behavior and wondering how I have the gall to write about
this topic in a critical manner. I guess from recent experience, both in my
personal and professional life, I have come to the conclusion that it really
only takes a moment to show the proper courtesy and respect towards another
human being so why don’t we?

Just as an example of professional disrespect: Someone mentioned to me how they spent time
travelling and attending a job interview and couldn’t understand why the
interviewing side didn’t take the time to show them the courtesy of an email letting them know either way.

As an example of personal disrespect: A close friend of mine was in touch with another person for dating
purposes and couldn’t understand why all of a sudden there was silence on the other end. One side, it
seems, decided that it was not suitable for them but didn’t even do as much as send
an email or SMS to inform the other side. Ignoring is not an acceptable form of
rejection. It exists, but it is cowardly and rude at best.

Israelis have a tendency to look down on manners and polite behavior. It is a high tension
life here in Israel with the political and social situation always contributing
to a life of constant rushing around, yelling and even pushing. Israelis are good
at heart and if you trip and fall a million people will rush over to look after
you, and if your kid wanders off in the mall he/she will have ten mothers taking
care of him in a second, but respect for one another goes far beyond our instinctive
responsive behavior, it is introspective, well thought out and calculated.

And don’t try to slap me with, “well, would you rather someone act politely on the surface and then
ignore you and be distant afterwards???” I don’t understand why that is a
legitimate argument. Don’t people  already know that two wrongs don’t make a
right?? Listen, I love to live in Israel but can’t we all just try to show each other the
respect that we as humans should for one another? Be conscious of our actions and I
am sure that with the changes we nurture within ourselves we will also be able
to influence others in kind.

Self healing

There are many times where you have no choice but to rely on conventional medicine to heal you. This is usually in times of great emergency where a homemade tincture and a kiss from your mother won’t help. I have had many, many times in my life where as a rambunctious, accident prone child, teen and adult I needed the services of the emergency department.

Let’s see, if I had to list it chronologically it would include: running into the corner of a door, almost cutting my finger off, having my teeth knocked in, falling down a hill and breaking my tailbone, barreling down a hill on my bike at full speed and flipping over at the bottom, twisting and breaking my ankle repeatedly, carrying a wooden canoe alone and hurting my back, being in a terrible car accident, pouring a pot of boiling hot chicken soup over my body, having an allergic reaction from a medicine, gall stones, and five births…all of which left their mark on my body and my overall well-being. There are way more incidents of injury, but I can’t even remember them all.  Yes, I know that this list might remind you of a medieval torture chamber but that’s just me! My mother was always on constant Devora injury alert.

For these types of injuries, the medical profession is well prepared. The things they can do with a half severed finger these days is miraculous! The problem seems to be when conventional medicine fails and you need to consider that another type of healing may need to be sought out.

After giving birth to five babies and having many side effects from the pregnancies and births, carrying around extra weight, the leftover back pains from my car accident and constant digestive problems from my gall bladder surgery and from ongoing suffering from heartburn I realized that the time had come to heal myself. The only solution conventional medicine could offer me at this point was pain killers for my back, pills for the heartburn and some possible physiotherapy.

I completely changed my lifestyle. I changed my eating habits completely: no eating when you aren’t hungry (unless there is ice cream or donuts to be had, of course), no eating until you are too full, no foods that upset my stomach, lots of healthy foods, fresh fruits and veggies, and exercise. I started walking every day and eventually after 8 months of walking I started to run a bit here and there. Eventually I reached a point where I could run for an hour straight or even more without feeling overexertion. I do my stretching, push-ups, sit ups, and squats at the end of every run and I am done.

Two and a half years later and 50 kilos lighter, I feel great and so much healthier than if I had medicated my symptoms or if I had dieted (diets don’t work, by the way). I never feel hungry or deprived. I live a high quality of life because my body and my being are in sync. I am grateful that I have the health and energy to maximize my time.

Another runner once said to me, “We won’t necessarily live any longer than anyone else, but our quality of life will be better.”

My friend and colleague Lisa Latchaw A"H

Today I am boycotting God…

This is what my friend Sarah Williams said to me yesterday
when we laid to rest our good friend and colleague Lisa Latchaw in the Beit
Almin cemetery in Beit Shemesh. She was too young to go and too many people
depend on her for her not to be around. A husband and two little kids who need
her, friends, family and last, but not least, her work. Lisa was my colleague.

What does it mean to be a colleage in our company? We are made up of a motley
group of people and yet we all respect and appreciate each other so much.
Sometimes I think that our group of coworkers is representative of what society
should strive for.

I have had the pleasure of working with smart, driven, kind
wonderful people, Lisa one of them, who all had two things in common: they
worked for our company and they are Olim. They have all chosen to leave behind some
form of life to come to Israel and start a new one.

When Lisa and I were once talking she told me about how she had
worked so hard for so many years to build up the typical life for herself in
America: a house, cars, a career, marriage. And yet, when all that was
accomplished she looked around at her empire and said, “Hey! This is not what I
really want. I want to be in Israel!” They then proceeded to move to Israel and
start a life for themselves in Beit Shemesh. Lisa was so skilled and capable
that even though many Olim might find that they are struggling with the job
market here, she worked hard and was continuously promoted.

Another one of my colleagues, Dawn Richman, said that we
have a purpose on this earth and when we have fulfilled our goal we are taken
to the next world. Maybe Lisa was so skilled that she finished her project
early. I don’t know. I think I will go with Sarah on this one. I have a picket
and I am picketing.

In our company many people work remotely and come in to the
office only once or twice a month. So even though I know Lisa is gone I keep
waiting for her to walk through the door, put her bags down and come over to schmooze
with me. I was saving a Bon Apetite magazine for her because it has tons of
recipes with chocolate and I know that she loves it.

We will miss you Lisa…and God, I am not talking to you!

Eitan Davis: one of three organ donors this weekend (picture courtesy of his family)

While I was busy running the 10K in the Jerusalem marathon this Friday and feeling utterly invinceable, 11 people were running the marathon of life when they received notice that they would be getting the organ donations they were so eagerly waiting for,  as Airel Noy put it so wisely in his online article on Walla: http://news.walla.co.il/?w=//1809580

The list of organs is extensive and were all given selflessly by three families in order to give 11 people a chance to live. Two of the donors and a third by the name of Eitan Davis died over the weekend due to unforeseen circumstances and their families helped donate their loved one’s organs so that others could go on living. The organ recipients ranging in age from 6-59 years old were given a new lease on life so that they can continue to love and be loved. The donors will continue their legacy in this world even upon their passing.

 I cannot stress enough how important I feel this move is in our country where we can help others to live. Let’s renew our lease on life and be proactive.

I am filling out my card here:

https://www.kartisadi.org.il/form.asp

I hope you will too. Once you have submitted it you will get a card in the mail that you should proceed to carry on you always.

Watch this video, it is very moving all about religious families who have chosen life even when facing death:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5cfaAWTH5zM&feature=player_embedded

Jogging, blogging and dodging dogs.

Old Navy yoga pants, 50 cent on my MP3 and a bounce in my step…I decided to go for a jog. I regularly jog but this time it would be different. This time I would not complete my route because as I rounded the first corner I saw a dog. It was a mid sized dog on a leash being walked by an older man. I tensed up since it was a narrow alley-way and the dog seemed very excited: jumping and yapping. I stopped and stood on the side waiting for the dog, and its owner, to pass.

Now this is where things got messy.

The dog owner didn’t tighten the leash, the dog started growling and the owner seemed oblivious to the whole thing.  All of a sudden the dog jumped on me and sunk his incisors right into my leg, they went through my pants and right into my calf. I screamed! And once I started screaming I couldn’t stop!

Your freaking dog just bit my leg!!! He bit my leg! I am going to get #*@$^ rabies you $#@#%&^%!!! I have five children!! I am their main caregiver!! I can’t afford to be laid up because of your $%#$%$%^ dog!!!

I realized that I was yelling, as psychotic as I may have seemed. The owner was staring at me blankly and finally when he responded he started to sign to me. This was too much!!! The person walking the dog was deaf! He never heard the dog growling and, even though I couldn’t stop screaming at no one in particular, couldn’t hear me either.

I called the ambulance to treat my leg. The police came and asked if I wanted to file a complaint. They were all wonderful and although I still have teeth marks in my leg and the remnants of the bruise on my leg from the strength of the dog clamping on….I am now on the mend.

I had to miss work for a few days. I was forced to limp around. I needed to rent a car to transport my sorry ass around and my Old Navy yoga pants have four holes in them now from the dog’s teeth. Luckily the dog had all it’s shots so I only needed to get a tetanus shot (which btw, considering my hypochondria, made me think that I had lockjaw).

Now when I see a dog coming towards me I tense up which is not good for a runner like me because I am so often accompanied on my run by canines who like to be my partner for a few kilometers. I had to deal with the trauma of my children who were worried that I would be okay because they have seen me injured before and it rocked the foundation of their security.

So what’s my point?

1. Train your freaking dogs properly!!!
2. Pick up after their poop!
3. Don’t walk aggressive dogs in residential neighborhoods!
4. Buy me a new pair of yoga pants (size small)
5. Don’t let anything stop you from running.

Mishloach Ma-NOT!!!!!

No one needs to impress me, dazzle me, think of me or spend time with me. I am a woman and I am alone.

This really hit home for me this week when I received 1 Mishloach Manot (kudos Last family). Truthfully, I hate the waste that comes with Purim and I dislike the high-school level popularity contest that it represents. When i used to be in the state of coupledom I would receive so many Mishloach Manot that our table was filled to overflowing. And yet, I am content with my status quo.

I came to the realization that i have good friends who may not live close to where I live but are always there for me, I have family whom I love and kids who are the best company.  We had a good time with costumes and delivering Mishloach Manot to the kid’s friends. I felt relieved to make it through Purim without too much financial or emotional strain and my parents shared my seudah with me. I have returned to the basics of Purim.

Now who else can say the same?

Friends through it all

When getting divorced, especially in a family oriented community, I have found that many of the people who I thought were friends and couples who I enjoyed many wonderful times with became distant memories. If I may be so bold as to create a comparison: Life is like an outfit; sometimes it flatters you and sometimes it fits, it sometimes needs changing, and sometimes it just makes you fat. Life has accessories too such as friends, homes, cars and a partner. When you change your life “outfit” many tmes your “accessories” need adjusting too. (Please don’t take this literally…it is purely for the sake of literary license).

In some ways the separation comes with a twinge of remorse: the couple who always served the best food, had the greatest views, the most engaging conversations and the best toys for the kids to play with. Other times it comes with an overwhelming feeling of relief. You no longer have to put up with that annoying wife of your husband’s friend who you never have anything to say to or made annoying jokes at someone’s expense.

Let’s just look at our work friends for a minute, our colleagues. When you switch jobs and forlornly say goodbye, you know that these people who you spent every day with for the past few years will most likely drop off the end of your life, never be seen again. It doesn’t necessarily reflect badly on them or on you for that matter even if you both keep saying, “Let’s keep in touch, ok”? For obvious reasons, in people’s fast paced lifestyles proximity does make for an easier friendship and since you never had to make an effort to see each other before what makes you think you would start now?

Are there any specific traits or behaviors that lead to long term friendships?

It reminds me of a book I once read about ordinary everyday people who became heroes due to a heroic act that they did spontaneously. They couldn’t explain what motivated them to act on the spur of the moment. There really was no defining trait for heroic behaviour.  All that they could be sure of was that they were presented with a situation where they just knew that they had to act. What the author wrote in the forward to this book was that we are always so fascinated with what motivates the serial killer or someone who stands on a tower and shoots tens of people or who kidnaps someone and mutilates them and yet we are never fascinated by the reverse scenario: What motivates an ordinary person to act altruistically or heroically?

During my divorce proceedings many of the couples whom I thought to be close seem to have just become part of the unwritten divorce settlement. The reverse is true as well. I have been pleasantly surprised to find myself spending time with people and couples who I never would have in my previous coupled life. I enjoy their company and that’s all there is too it. They are kind and giving and we love to laugh together.

If you are looking for answers as to which friends will move to the other side and which will just fall through the cracks never to be seen or heard from again, I don’t have any. But let me just say that when you are single for the second time around you learn very quickly who your real friends are. You are wearing a new outfit and only you and you alone will decide which accessories look best on you.

And just remember darling: You look fabulous!

What type of guest are you?

I grew up in a home where I don’t remember EVER eating a meal without having someone extra at our table.  My parents are great hosts and I know that being a good host/hostess is a challenge. I have seen countless articles and books dealing with the complexities of this role.  Who doesn’t already know this since we are bombarded with Martha Stewart lessons in hors d’oeuvres, napkin folding tips, table settings and beautiful flower arrangements? Hyper-hosting has turned the simple act of having parties and getting together with friends into three course events that usually include a theme and a party planner.

Hyper-hosting

The other side to this hosting equation receives much less publicity, the forgotten link that can make or break your role as a host:

The guest.

You want your hostess with the mostess to see you as a guestess with the bestess? Here’s my breakdown of the good and bad guests. Plain and simple:

The Bad Guest:

• The Shmoozer- It is totally irrelevant whether anyone is listening or not. They are totally oblivious as to whether people are interested in what they have to say and they can stay for countless hours after all others have left to continue their “fascinating “ conversation with whoever is not yet nodding off to sleep.
• The Cruiser- this is the guest who just stopped by long enough to eat the last danish, make a promise about that they will be back again real soon, to use the bathroom and to make a grand exit.
• The Loser- they never seem to have plans and for a good reason. Whether it’s their lack of social etiquette or their inability to make eye contact. They are the ones who bring their leftover bread slices and pineapple juice to “share” so that it doesn’t go bad and they generally aren’t able to connect with anyone inparticular despite repeated attempts on everyone’s part to make conversation.
• The User- These are guests of convenience. Their convenience, not yours. Once they don’t need you anymore you will never hear from them again.
• The Abuser- They make sure to let you know in advance that they only eat japanese vegetarian food, that the music is too loud, the soup too salty, and they apologize profusely while asking you to wrap up the leftovers for them to take home. 
• The Muser- They don’t comment, compliment or join in the conversation and they tend to spend most of their time staring into space. You wonder if they are philosophers and if there is MORE to them than meets the eye when really there is LESS…much, much less. You wonder if your meal will be the contributing factor to their suicide attempt when, miraculously, on their way out they somehow manage to mumble: “Thanks, I had a great time.”

The Good Guest:

Gratitude goes a long way…

• Give- Just bring something, damn it, even when your host insists otherwise.
• Gauge- Don’t be oblivious to everyone around you. Yes, Spanish Inquisition Era manuscripts may be fascinating to YOU but if everyone else is staring into space then zip-it!
• Good Nights- Overnight guests should not overuse any one household item without confirming that it is ok with their hosts first. Don’t take overly long showers, don’t leave a mess in the bathroom, don’t leave wet towels on the floor and make sure to keep your room neat when you are going out.
• Grace- you walk into a room and see people talking, recognize when it’s a conversation that requires privacy and don’t get involved.
• Gratitude- Make sure to thank your host at different moments during your stay as a guest. It’s all about gratitude. Thank them for thinking of you when you arrive. Thank them again when you leave and make sure to compliment. Compliment their home, their cooking, their efforts and their kindness. And please try to sound sincere.
• Gregarious- Smile and the world smiles with you. Meal time is not the time to burden everyone with your hardships and woes unless you are very close with your hosts. Smile, shmooze and enjoy.
• Guess- Ask questions, show interest in others around you.
• Giddy-Up! HAVE FUN! Nothing more fun than a guest who knows how to enjoy themselves.